Week 29 - Acceptance

MOVING TOWARD ACCEPTANCE

For many people, "acceptance" implies giving up, a sense of

resignation. Acceptance in mindfulness is different: it is

deliberate and active, without the unconscious and passive

quality of autopilot (see page 34).

Moving toward acceptance is about taking baby steps. In our mindfulness practice the first step of acceptance is acknowledgement of what is (sometimes that is all we can do). Many of us spend a lot of time and energy wishing things were different. Yet if we are not willing to acknowledge how things really are—even if we don't like them—how can we make an informed decision on what to do next? We can determine what is best to do next only if we really know where we are.

HOW WOULD IT FEEL IF WE STOPPED FIGHTING

AGAINST OR RESISTING THE WAY THINGS REALLY ARE?

When we meditate, we explore accepting what is by turning toward it, bringing an attitude of curiosity and interest to the experience. We investigate whether it is possible to relate to it differently from usual. We practice this first on the small discomforts that commonly arise when we sit and meditate—the pins and needles or the itch on our nose—and gradually build up the skill and confidence to apply it when more challenging situations arise.

We can experiment with various options that can bring space to the experience:

1 We can breathe into the discomfort, imagining the breath entering and leaving the body in a narrow beam directed toward the uncomfortable sensation.

2 We can keep our attention focused on the breath in the torso (specifically the belly or the chest), but at the same time maintain an awareness of the discomfort. We breathe with it.

3 We can move in a little closer to the sensation to explore it in greater depth. What shape is it? Does it move around or is it constant and still? How would you describe it?

Whatever we choose to do, it is important to let go of any expectation that the sensation will go away. We are deliberately allowing the sensation to be experienced rather than resisting it or attempting to create an alternative. We are noticing how we relate to the unfolding experience, becoming aware, for example, if there is a tightening or tensing around the sensation, if we are bracing against it. If there is, we acknowledge it. It can be helpful to repeat silently "It's okay, it's okay, let me feel it."

In everyday life we are constantly judging our experience as good, bad, or neutral. If we can bring this pivotal moment into awareness, we can choose what we want to do next. We can choose to move into approach rather than avoidance mode, knowing that by doing so we are engaging the higher executive functions of the pre-frontal cortex rather than the more primitive areas of the brain, which are governed by fearful thinking. Which mode of operating do you think is more helpful in daily life?

Approach mode involves not gritting our teeth and bracing ourselves, but rather acknowledging how we are thinking and feeling emotionally and physically and breathing with it. We allow all that to be present in our experience as we observe it and our relationship to it.

The root of the word "acceptance" is to accept, that is to receive, so there is an element of consent or agreement. We often tune out of things we don't like, and get through as best we can. However the attitude we bring to an activity can transform it. If we can experiment with deliberately engaging with the activity itself and how we relate to it, we may discover all kinds of things. Try it and see.

There are various opportunities in the activities to explore our own experience of resistance and its opposite, acceptance, as well as ways we can begin to relate differently to these states of mind.

Week 29 Activity

WHAT DOES ACCEPTANCE MEAN FOR ME?

Acceptance can seem too much to ask sometimes, but

we can explore what it means to us in terms of emotions

and sensations and then play with the idea of

acceptance in our practice.

Sit and take a few minutes to connect with the breath and the body (see page 70, second sheet onwards). Then bring to mind a time when you experienced acceptance. Perhaps you were accepted by another person, or perhaps you accepted a situation or a sensation. Holding this memory in awareness, explore the felt sensations of the experience. How would you describe them? What words or images come to mind? Just notice and observe, without judging what is arising. When you feel ready, record your experience in whatever way feels right for you— single words, descriptions, or pictures.

Sometimes when we do this we may notice the opposite of acceptance, resistance. That too is worthy of exploration (see page 116).

Does acceptance feel possible for you? You may want to write down some ideas about how you could explore introducing acceptance into your practice and everyday life.