Week 24 - Conversation as Practice

BEING WITH SOUNDS AND THOUGHTS

Sounds and thoughts share many characteristics. We have no control

of either—a door slams, the neighbour’s little boy

jumps up and down in the apartment above, or a car

alarm shrieks on and on ... perhaps the strains of a song

from your past drift in at the window. Some sounds are

fleeting; others are not. They can make us angry,

frustrated, or maybe nostalgic or happy.

As these emotions arise we may notice how the body responds: a clenching of the stomach, a tightness in the shoulders, a prickle behind the eyes, a rising smile. We are interested in noticing our entire experience.

It is fruitless to try to stop thinking or hearing, so instead we can learn to let thoughts and sounds arise and go without getting hooked by them. When we practice it is helpful to learn to let go of all thoughts and sounds (those we like as well as those we don't). It is easier to learn skills with something that is not emotionally charged.

Variation

Take out the "sounds" element of this practice and do it outside in a more informal way.

1  Take your seat and spend a few minutes settling your attention on the breath and body (see page
70).

2   When you are ready, expand your attention to become aware of any sounds. The sound of your breath entering and leaving the body may still be present, along with sounds from farther away. Your awareness is like a radar. There is no need to go hunting for sounds—simply allow yourself to receive any that come your way.

3   Experience any sound simply as a collection of notes at a particular pitch, tone and timbre. Notice your own response: is it one of liking or of pushing away? What do you notice in the body when a particular sound arises?

4  When you notice yourself getting caught up in a story about a sound, at the moment of realisation acknowledge it and refocus your attention on receiving all sounds. (It can be helpful to bring your attention back to the breath initially and then widen the awareness once more.)

5   Continue in this way for 5 minutes or so.

6   When you feel ready, let go of the sounds and allow your thoughts to take centre stage. What do you notice when you make this invitation? Often our thoughts become shy and scuttle off into the shadows!

7  We are practicing seeing our thoughts simply as passing events—like sounds that arise, becoming louder before they fade away. We may not like them, but we can't control them so we might as well acknowledge them since they are present anyway.

8   We are not trying to stop thinking. We are practicing not getting caught up in a particular thought story. Of course thoughts will occur, and when they do we acknowledge them as "thinking" and watch them arise, proliferate, and fade.

9   Some thoughts are "stickier" than others, but the instruction remains the same.

10   We can see our thoughts as:

• Passing clouds—some heavy and dark, others wispy, or soft and fluffy.

• Buses (a more urban image): imagine waiting at the bus stop and seeing buses ("thoughts") come and go, maybe singly or sometimes in groups. From time to time you may find you've jumped on a "thought" bus without being aware of it. If that happens, acknowledge it and just "jump off" again!

• Imagine yourself sitting in a movie theatre or playhouse, with your thoughts being enacted on the stage or screen. Sometimes you may be totally wrapped up in what is unfolding—your heart pounding, your hands gripping the seat—but when you realise this, remind yourself that you are simply watching players on a stage

11 Remember that you can use your breath as an anchor at any time. Often it's useful after disengaging from a particular story to come back to a clear point of focus, such as the felt sense of breath.

12 When you are ready to finish, bring your attention back to the breath for a moment or two to conclude the practice.

LEARNING TAKES TIME

Be patient! Being with our thoughts
in this way is always challenging.
We've spent our lives chasing our
thought stories, so learning a different way of being takes time and
is difficult. It is important to
acknowledge that if you find yourself
judging your thinking mind.

Week 24 Activity

CONVERSATION AS PRACTICE

Our brain is constantly receiving and interpreting

information. However, the mood we are in affects the spin

we put on our experience, and our thoughts will also affect

the stories we tell ourselves.

When we are feeling down or stressed, we are more likely to focus only on evidence that supports a negative story, discarding any information that might disprove it. If our interpretation can be so easily skewed by our mood, how can we ensure that what we hear someone saying to us is what they really mean? Conversation as Practice is an opportunity to do just that.

A crucial part of this practice is Listening Mindfully, so it's helpful if you have become familiar with that first and have practiced the wider awareness of noticing what you are experiencing in the body as you listen (see page 46).

In Conversation as Practice we listen mindfully and at the same time maintain a wider awareness of what we are experiencing in the body. When the speaker has finished, we reflect back to them what we think they have said. We can use phrases such as:

"Can I Just check I've understood you correctly ...?"
“So what you are saying is ... is that right?”

It's important to create the opportunity for the speaker to correct any misunderstandings or misrepresentations on the part of the listener, and there may be a bit of mindful back and forth before the speaker is happy that what they have said has been understood as they intended.

Conversation as Practice can feel clunky at first. You may want to have a go with friends and family, or you can explore practicing it without anyone being aware you are doing so.

There are three parts to Conversation as Practice:

1   Listen mindfully.

2  Maintain awareness of your own felt experience in the body.

3   Reflect what you have heard and be willing to have it corrected.

Move back and forth between them, rather than tackling them sequentially.