Week 31 - Working with Impulses

Week 31 Activity 

WORKING WITH IMPULSES 

Our actions are driven by our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, but we are usually unaware of them. We can break the cycle of reactivity by learning to bring the different threads that form our experience into awareness. 

Sitting practice (see page 28) provides the perfect opportunity to work intentionally with an impulse. Notice how you end your practice. Do you stop abruptly, or is the close of your practice more measured and intentional? If the former is true, play with the "three strikes" suggestion by the meditation teacher Jack Kornfield:

• When you become aware of the impulse to end your practice, notice it. Become aware of how the impulse manifests itself in the body. What are you feeling physically? What thoughts are buzzing around your head—what is driving the impulse? Perhaps you notice a to-do list ticking off in your head ... Notice this first impulse in all its manifestations.

• Before long, the impulse will probably arise again. That is strike 2. Once more, stay present with what is arising. Remind yourself that you are practising "staying" with a spirit of curiosity and gentleness.

• The third time the impulse arises, acknowledge it, but this time allow yourself to conclude your practice. Perhaps bring your attention to your breath for a moment or two or bring your hands together to end your practice.

Week 32 - Start From Where You Are

Many of us spend much of our time measuring our progress

against an invisible yardstick. If we don't think we have

lived up to this imaginary scale—and we rarely have—we

berate ourselves for "not being good enough."

All too often we throw in the towel and abandon the task, saying that if we can't do something "perfectly" there is no point in doing it at all. Perhaps we don't join our friends for a run because we are "not fit enough"—and so we miss out on an opportunity to socialize while getting fitter; maybe we give up meditating because we haven't been doing it diligently every day, and so we don't discover the freedom of simply starting from where we are.

This week, notice the occasions when you don't start an activity, or when you abandon something because you don't think you are doing it well enough. Treat the thought "not good enough" as a red flag, which causes you to pause and question that thought. Who is setting this standard? Perhaps the task requires experiential learning and skill to be acquired over time. There is no way that things will change unless you are willing to have a go and acknowledge that it can be okay to be a "work in progress." Can something be "good enough," meaning that you have done your best considering all the extenuating circumstances?

Notice the thoughts that arise and pay particular attention to any physical sensations or emotions arising alongside them. You could take a Breathing Space (see page 88), making sure not to miss out the first step of acknowledging what is happening for you. When you move into the second stage, while you are breathing perhaps say silently to yourself "It's okay, it's okay."

BEING WITH THE DIFFICULT

How can we experience something difficult in a different way?

For the "in-the-moment" times, when we may be at

work or in another challenging situation and feel

overwhelmed by what we are experiencing, informal

practices like Feet on the Floor (see page 30) or a

Coping Space (seepage 125) can be helpful.

At other times we may want to bring an ongoing difficulty (whether a situation or physical pain) to our practice in a more formal way. On these occasions, the following practice or the Self-compassion practice on page 144 may be helpful.

To do this practice, find a time and place where you feel safe and will not be disturbed. Take as long as you need to settle yourself on your breath and body so you feel grounded (see Mindfulness of Breath and Body, page 70).

LEARN THE FOUNDATIONAL SKILLS

This practice can be challenging, so it is important that you have already become familiar with the skills learned by regularly practicing Watching the Breath (see page 26) and Mindfulness of Breath and Body (see page 70). Also, to begin with, experiment with bringing small difficulties to mind—irritation with a colleague at work, for example—rather than a big life event.

1. Notice where in the body you are feeling the breath most strongly, and make a clear intention that this is the place to which you will bring your attention at any point in the practice when things feel tricky or you want to steady yourself.

2. When you are ready, deliberately invite whatever is preying on your mind to the forefront.

3. Notice what arises when you do so, acknowledging the accompanying thoughts even if you feel they are inappropriate in some way.

4. It's important to be curious about your experience as a whole, perhaps asking yourself silently "What is here?" Stay open to whatever comes up, if anything, without any expectation.

5. As you notice what arises you can name particular emotions, for example, by saying "fear is here." Repeatedly naming an emotion has been shown to dampen its activity in the brain.

6. Take a friendly interest in the felt sensations of the experience. What are you feeling physically in the body, and where? How would you describe it—sharp, stabbing, tingling ...—and what characteristics does it have—solid, soft? Is it constant, intermittent, unchanging, or moving?

7. You can use the breath to help by directing it into the specific location of the pain or strong sensation. Alternatively, focus your attention on the breath in the torso while holding the pain or sensation in awareness and breathing with it.

It's important to take baby steps with this practice. You may "be" with the experience for only a second or two before retreating to the breath to anchor yourself, before returning to the experience for another few seconds. It is wise to take this practice slowly, using the breath to steady yourself throughout, rather than jumping straight in and becoming overwhelmed.

It's very easy to fall into "fixing mode" with this practice, hoping the "difficulty" will go away or trying to make it do so. It's very important that we remind ourselves that this practice is about turning toward our pain or difficulty, rather than avoiding it. Avoidance activates our internal threat mechanisms and keeps us locked in a cycle of suffering, whereas an approach mode helps us to be with it.

Week 33 - Taking a Mindful Minute

Week 33 activity

TAKING A MINDFUL MINUTE

We can all find 60 seconds in our day and Michael

Chaskalson, the author of Mindfulness in Eight Weeks

(2014), has turned this into a simple practice. It's a helpful

way to bring us back to the body and focus—just for

1 minute—on our breathing. I'd encourage you to do this

practice as often as you can, helping yourself to remember

by using a prompt of some kind, perhaps a particular

photograph or a word on a sticky note on your desk. Some

people put coloured dot stickers on computers or telephones

as a prompt to take a minute when they notice it.

TRY THIS

This week, practise Taking a Mindful Minute as often as you can. What do you notice after doing it?


For this practice, we will count the number of breaths we take in a minute. One breath consists of a complete in-breath and a complete out-breath. You will need a timer of some kind. Most cellphones have one, or you could use an old-fashioned egg timer or kitchen minute minder. Set the equipment up for 60 seconds so that it will need just a simple push of a button to start. Begin by taking some time to settle into your breathing. Then, on your next in-breath, start timing and begin counting your breaths.

Breathing in ... breathing out ... One.
Breathing in ... breathing out ... Two.
Continue until the timer goes off.

How many breaths did you count? Write that number down.

The number of breaths you take is irrelevant. I have done it with a group that varied from nine to twenty breaths, but there is no right or wrong. We are simply creating a number for each individual to use in the future.

Week 34 - Exploring Alternative Viewpoints

Week 34 Activity

EXPLORING ALTERNATE VIEWPOINTS

In the film Dead Poets Society (1989) the teacher John

Keating, played by the late Robin Williams, tells his

students to stand on top of their desks to see the world

differently. How often do we do this? We can become very

attached to our own particular viewpoint (often with

ourselves at the centre), but if we look at things differently

all kinds of possibilities open up.

This week the invitation is to explore the theme of alternative viewpoints.

Physically choose a different perspective. For example, when we are feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to look out of a window, find an open space, climb a hill, or go to the top of a building. Engaging with the wider world encourages us to look outward rather than get caught up in an internal struggle. We can use the environment to support and strengthen our internal state of mind.

Explore viewpoints in relationships. We can become irritated when something doesn't go our way, but if we can pause, take a step back, and see it from a wider perspective we may notice that what is occurring isn't personal, but is down to a host of other things. Or perhaps there are just different options, rather than a right way and a wrong way. Our interpretation of an event is influenced by what comes immediately before it, our

mood, and our thoughts, and the last two may influence each other. Our thoughts and moods affect how we feel physically in the body, and these felt sensations affect our thoughts and moods. This constant cycle can work against us, or we can harness the knowledge it provides. How many different viewpoints can you come up with to a particular situation that is current for you?

Project ourselves into another person's viewpoint. This could be someone who is very different from you, perhaps someone from whom you would normally shy away or whom you might judge. In their shoes, how would you feel, react, and behave? Be honest!

Open your eyes and explore new perspectives.

MEDITATING REGULARLY

As we have seen, before and after brain scans of novice meditators showed that regular practice led to increased activity in the temporoparietal junction, the area concerned with perspective, compassion, and empathy (see page 81).

Week 35 - Thoughts; Noticing the Judging Mind

THOUGHTS 

Meditation can help us see our thoughts as passing mental

events rather like weather fronts. When we meditate, 

we begin to notice our thoughts coming and going. 

We can begin to see how they are influenced by our state of mind 

and how they can in turn maintain and feed 

a particular state of mind. 

When we feel down or stressed we are more likely to interpret things negatively. That negativity can make us feel vulnerable and anxious, keeping us in a state of hyper-vigilance and maintaining the body's state of alert, which in turn prompts the continued release of the stress hormone cortisol, which can keep us stuck in this cycle (see page 92).

Anxiety is created by fear of something happening, and that "something" is caused by the story we tell ourselves. If we can see it simply as a story rather than as fact, such thoughts lose their emotional charge. Notice your habitual thought patterns and, without judging them, which you are particularly prone to. Acknowledge them, notice how you can easily get hooked into them, and, most importantly, be curious about how they manifest themselves in the body. Common unhelpful thought patterns include:

CATASTROPHISING

Making things out to be worse than they are.

It can be helpful to notice the type of language we are using to describe our experience and modify it since catastrophising thoughts and words cause anxiety to escalate.

OVER-GENERALISING

Turning one example of an experience into something that “always” happens to you.

It can be helpful to remind ourselves to employ "beginner's mind" (see page 21) and be open to the possibilities arising in each moment.

MIND-READING

Assuming we know what another person is thinking.

It can be helpful to challenge our assumption and remind ourselves to stick with what we know to be fact.

BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING

Being overly Judgemental and believing things are either right or wrong, or good or bad. 

It is easy to ignore all the shades of gray that can make up our experiences. This type of all-or-nothing thinking is common in perfectionists, who believe that anything less than the best is a failure. Meditating regularly gives a wider perspective.

CRYSTAL-BALL GAZING

Believing we know what will happen in the future (and often assuming the worst).

We can remind ourselves that the future is determined by what happens in the present moment, and that that is the only moment in which we have the power to do something different.

FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVE

When we are feeling down we are more likely to focus on anything negative that supports the way we are feeling. 

We will even ignore evidence contrary to the story that we are telling ourselves.

Week 35 Activity 

NOTICING THE JUDGING MIND 

We are all constantly judging ourselves and others to see where we fit within our particular "tribe." 

Sometimes our tribe may be our nationality, sometimes it's our neighbourhood or group of friends, or maybe just our family. We can be part of a multitude of different groups at any one time. We are also always judging our experience—as good, bad, or neutral—and how we respond to the experience is often determined by that moment of interpretation.

This week, pay attention to the judging mind. Notice that moment when you pass someone in the street and a judgement pops up in your mind. There is no need to judge the Judging, simply acknowledge it and notice any associated thoughts or emotions.

If the judging mind is active when you are with somebody, take it as a helpful warning that your opinions may be biased.

When we judge someone, we lock on to a particular way of interpreting them or their behaviour. The judgement may be based on information that is out of date or perhaps not even true, but simply something we have read or heard about at second hand. The danger is that we close down and become blind to the myriad possibilities that might arise if we could remain open and curious.

To begin with, simply pay attention, and acknowledge when the judging mind is present. Then as you become more used to doing this, you can start to bring your attention to the judging. Notice what you are experiencing in the body, and any emotions, and breathe into them. Be curious about the judging and the judged.

Week 36 - Zoning Out

ZONING OUT

When we are tired we often zone out with activities that

take us away from what we are experiencing. These can

take the form of excessive alcohol or drugs, or perhaps

hours of mindless television.

Apart from the physical dangers of long-term substance misuse, any activity that stops us feeling is shutting us off from living life, with all that it entails. Experiencing emotions—even the unpleasant ones—makes us feed alive. The occasional binge on never-ending reruns of a made-for-television soap when we are tired will not do lasting harm, but if we repeatedly shut down when things are uncomfortable the behaviour becomes habitual, and so we shut down from all the positive experiences, too. Life becomes joyless and we feel as if we are simply existing, drifting through it with no purpose or meaning.

It's easy to slide into unhelpful patterns without realising, so pay attention this week to those occasions when you feel you are turning away from your experience and choosing to zone out. Pay attention to what prompts and drives this behaviour. Can you do something different? How do you feel once you have?

Sometimes small shifts are all that is needed. Turning the television off when your favourite show has finished, rather than moving on to the next thing without making a conscious choice, is a good start.

Week 37 - Self Compassion: What Nourishes Me

PRACTISE

SELF-COMPASSION

Research suggests that regularly practising mindfulness

meditation increases compassion and empathy. However,

we can also choose to do a practice that cultivates

compassion, specifically compassion for oneself. Many of us

struggle to show the same kindness toward ourselves that,

without hesitation, we would demonstrate to a friend or

loved one who was suffering. Introducing a self-compassion

meditation into our regular practice can help to redress

this balance.

For this practice, take your time to settle into the Mindfulness of Breath and Body (see page 70), beginning to tune into the breath and paying attention to the length of each in-breath and each out-breath.

If you like, you can place a hand over your heart, chest, or belly, or perhaps hold both arms lightly. Find any place where you would like to connect with a felt sense of the body in this moment.

Then choose two of the words and phrases shown in the word cloud to the right—or others of your own— and repeat one on the in-breath and the other on the out-breath.



Keep repeating the words, letting them drop like pebbles into water and noticing any ripples in your experience. Stay in tune with the breath and repeat your chosen word(s) over and over. Allow yourself to receive these words.

As you become more familiar with this practice, you can experiment with saying certain words as you breathe in and others when you breathe out. Or you might want to repeat the words only on the out-breath. Explore and be curious about what you notice.

Remember, there is no expectation of feeling anything particular, and especially not "warm and fuzzy" feelings! We are using the words or phrases to focus our attention, planting seeds of intention. We are opening our minds to the possibility that we may experience a moment of calm, peace, love, or whatever the word or phrase signifies. Our life may feel chaotic and difficult, but in this one moment it is possible to feel calm, strong, or whatever quality we have chosen. We are focusing only on this single moment at any one time.

Week 37 Activity

WHAT NOURISHES ME: AN ACTION PLAN

When we become too busy or stressed, the first things to go

are often what are seen as "optional extras," the things we

do for pleasure: the foreign-language evening class,

choir practice, meeting up with friends for a drink,

going to the gym ...

Before we know it, our life revolves around work or perhaps caring for a sick or elderly relative and we are not doing anything to nourish our mental and physical well-being. As our world becomes narrower and narrower, we are at risk of burnout and we feel drained and exhausted.

What nourishes you? Make a list of anything that makes you feel good, whether it has a physical, emotional, or mental benefit. Some things might seem quite small—taking a long, hot bath or calling a friend for a chat— while others may need a bit of planning. Some activities might involve a challenge, but leave you with a sense of achievement. Some may be things you've done in the past and let go, others may be things you've only dreamed of; it doesn't matter— just put down as much as you can without editing.

Now make an action plan. Can you do one of these activities at least once this week? Can you set in motion plans for one of the things that requires more organization? Set realistic goals and begin with things that feel achievable. Take baby steps towards ones that are more complex and perhaps require some preparation.

Involve friends and family if you need to in order to help you implement your plan.

Remember, if we look after ourselves we will be better able to take care of those who rely on us.

Week 38 - No One Else Has the Answer

Week 38 Activity

NO ONE ELSE HAS THE ANSWER

One of my favourite poems by the Chinese philosopher Lao

Tzu begins with the words "Always we hope someone else

has the answer" before going on to say "This is it. No one

else has the answer." It's easy to absolve ourselves of

responsibility for what happens to us, but—while

sometimes things do happen through no fault of our own—

there is plenty about our experience that we can influence.

And of course we can always choose how we relate to those

things that we can't control.

When we begin to pay attention to our experience in mindfulness practice, we start to see how much suffering we create for ourselves. We notice the stories we create about why this happened or that did not. At the same time, through regular meditation we connect with the inner strength and wisdom that we all have but sometimes lose sight of. Lao Tzu's poem continues: "At the centre of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want"

One of the benefits of mindfulness is that it is something we can explore at any time and in any place. We don't need props or professional help (although both can be helpful from time to time), but we simply pay attention to our experience in a particular way and use our breath and other physical sensations to anchor ourselves to the present.

Paying attention to bodily sensations can give us invaluable feedback about a situation and how we really feel about it, rather than how we think we should feel.

We always have our breath to turn to, and the more regularly we do so the stronger an anchor it becomes.

This week, notice those moments when your default is to put the responsibility of your experience on to someone else, and instead do something different. Take ownership of it and acknowledge that there are small actions we can take in any situation. Taking control, albeit in a small way, is empowering.

You might want to look at what you are eating or drinking (or not), the activities you are taking part in, your sleep patterns, and your other habits. Is there something you could do differently?

You might want deliberately to bring a situation that is on your mind to your sitting practice. After a period of settling on the breath and body, silently ask yourself a key question or two and notice your response. Keep repeating the question, and remain open to whatever comes up, rather than looking for a particular outcome.

Week 39 - Naming What is Present

THE IMPORTANCE OF INTENTION 

Intention is the root of our motivation. The desire to 

practice mindfulness meditation must come from within; 

it's not something you can do because someone 

has told you to. 

People are often drawn to mindfulness at a time of change, perhaps an illness or momentous change in their home or work life that has shaken things up. Such events can make us aware that it is important to do something different.

It is important to understand why you are doing this, what brings you to the ''mat" each time. Your vision will probably align with the values that guide the way you live: the choices you make, the type of parent you are, the way you treat your colleagues, and so on.

Practising mindfulness regularly requires time, and it is likely that you will have to make time to fit it in. That will mean giving something up—perhaps an extra 10 minutes in bed or a television show. You can give something up only if you value what is taking its place.

It is also important to update this periodically by checking in with yourself and reconnecting with your commitment to practice. Throughout this book there are opportunities for you to do so, and, of course, it is something you can reflect on at any time.

As well as exploring the intention that underlies our practice, we can pay attention to the intention that underlies our actions. When we say something or behave in a particular way, what is our intention? Is it to undermine someone or score a point, or are we acting out of goodwill, generosity, and kindness? The same words spoken with either of those intentions will be received very differently.

Week 39 Activity

NAMING WHAT IS PRESENT

The unmentionable can be given greater power than it

deserves by becoming "that which must not be named,"

something hidden and secret that inspires fear.

Naming what is present for us is a common practice in meditation; by doing it we become familiar with a wide range of experiences and may notice connections between emotions, sensations, thoughts, and situations.

Stating that "anxiety is present" is acknowledging what is arising in our present moment. In this form it is also acknowledgment without over-identification. "I am anxious" suggests that it is a permanent state of affairs and part of who we are; "anxiety is present" has a transient quality, reminding us that it will pass in time.

We can practice naming when we sit and meditate. We do this with a very light touch—there's no need to search for the "perfect" word and it's important not to judge it or expect the feeling to disappear. Once it is named, we might also become aware of its physical manifestation in the body and any accompanying thoughts.

Week 40 - What Stops You Practising

Week 40 Activity

WHAT STOPS YOU PRACTISING?

Meditating for even 10 minutes a day can make a huge

difference to how we feel. All the skills we learn "on the

mat" are transferable to everyday life, and yet, even though

we know practice is helpful, there will always be times

when we find it a struggle.

It is usual for practice to go through ups and downs. For the beginner, just knowing that everyone struggles can be helpful; it is also useful to make that struggle an opportunity for practice.

Are you aware of a moment when you make the choice whether to meditate or not? What is the story you tell yourself? What do you notice in the body? Are there any emotions present? Explore your resistance to practising in the head, heart, and body. If you let go of any judgements about not doing it, can you allow that resistance to be present? Can you acknowledge that it is there?

Experiment with what feels achievable. Take a few minutes to sit and ground yourself, and then ask yourself "Can I sit for 40 minutes?" (Start with a big number, since that is more likely to spark a response in the mind and body.) Notice what comes up. Then ask "Can I sit for 30 minutes?" Notice what comes up. Continue in this way, reducing the number and maintaining a sense of curiosity and playfulness. When you reach a number that feels right, your body will tell you. It may be only one minute, and that's okay. Simply start where you are.

Most people try to squeeze their practice into an already crowded day, but most quickly realize that they have to make time to practice. Acknowledging that this is important and that we need to make it a priority will make a difference.

Week 41 - The Mountain & A Typical Day

PRACTICE

THE MOUNTAIN

Nature has a lot to teach us, and spending time outside is

an excellent way to reconnect with the cycles of the seasons

and the changing weather. We can also borrow images

from nature to bring into our sitting practice; the

mountain is always a popular one.

When you think of a mountain, what comes to mind? Think of some words that occur to you. They might have to do with how a mountain makes you feel, how you would describe it, or the characteristics of a mountain ... or if you prefer simply draw any images or shapes that come to mind.

1   Begin by spending some time Watching the Breath (see page 26). Pay particular attention to your posture: make sure the lower half of the body feels grounded, the torso rises out of the pelvis, and the crown of the head lifts toward the sky.

2   Now, bring to mind an image of a mountain. It may be a familiar one or a generic image, or one from a photograph or movie. Notice its shape and how it corresponds to your sitting position—the wider lower half connected to the ground, the shoulders and arms the slopes, and the head the mountain peak.

3   From the summit it is possible to see far and wide, with a 360-degree view. As we connect to the vastness of the sky above and the land unfolding below, we are reminded that there is a bigger world out there than our own.

4   Remind yourself of a mountain's qualities, its stability and strength regardless of the changing weather that assails it. The contours of the mountain may become weathered over time, but its essential nature remains unchanged. Can we simply sit with ourselves and honour our own surface appearance as we become weathered by time and experience? Can we sit with the shifting weather patterns of our mood, and instead of taking them personally simply see them as an integral part of being human? Can we borrow the qualities of the mountain and use them to support our practice?

5   Sit like a mountain. Hold whatever comes your way in awareness.

6   Continue in this way as long as you would like to. When you notice the impulse to stop, explore riding out the impulse a time or two before making the intention to conclude the practice.

Week 41 Activity

A TYPICAL DAY

Make a list below of everything you do in a typical

day. If every day is different, just do your best. List every

activity you do from the moment you wake up until you

go to bed. Try to break big activities down into smaller

tasks and elements.

What do you notice about your list? Are there any surprises?

Have another look at your list. Is it possible to turn any of your "draining" activities into neutral or even "nourishing" ones? Perhaps choose one to experiment with at first. Make a note of what you discover. Are there items on your list that you don't particularly enjoy but that do give you a sense of satisfaction? These "mastery" type of activities are often things you might put off such as cleaning the fridge, tidying up a closet, completing a tax return, sorting out clothes to get rid of. Because completing these type of activities make us feel good, they are ones to do when you are feeling down. However, do make sure you break them down into achievable chunks otherwise they might feel overwhelming.

Remember that whether you choose a nourishing or mastery activity to do, it's important to do it without any expectation that it will make you feel a particular way. Practice "beginner's mind", viewing it as an experiment and do it for its own sake.

THE WAY WE DO AN ACTIVITY CAN DETERMINE HOW IT MAKES US FEEL

• If we don't like something, we often zone out from it or resist it, going into avoidance mode rather than approach mode. What happens if we pay attention instead? When we are interested in something, we start noticing all kinds of things. Instead of resisting it, we turn toward it. Try it and see.

• Some activities in life may be unavoidable and quite challenging. In these instances, experiment with taking a moment to do a Breathing Space (see page 88) before and after; and even during. Perhaps make a conscious effort to do something restorative afterwards. What would be helpful?

• Look for the "dead" spaces in your day: walking down a corridor, going to a different floor; holding on the phone ... All these can become opportunities to practice mindfulness, and all are a chance for us to connect with our breath and the present moment.

Week 42 - Taking Care of Ourselves

Week 42 Activity 

TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES 

Sometimes we feel helpless when things are difficult. 

At moments like this, it can be helpful to do a Coping Space 

(see page 125) and add an action step. 

After honestly acknowledging the reality of a situation and how we feel about it, we may realise that we can't fix it or make it better. In these situations, we can add a final step, asking "What would be the most helpful for me to do now?' or 'How can I best take care of myself?' This could be something that you find nourishing and pleasurable, or perhaps something that will give you a sense of satisfaction—it could even be doing some mindfulness practice.

Have a look at the list you made on pages 158-9 of Nourishing Activities and Mastery Activities. Draw on this list whenever you need to; it may be helpful to stick it on your fridge door or somewhere else where it will catch your eye and remind you to take care of yourself.

Practice the Coping Space whenever things feel difficult.

Week 43 - Practising Kindness to Oneself

Week 43 Activity

PRACTISING KINDNESS TO ONESELF

Most of us give ourselves a hard time. We judge the way we look,

the way we behave, and what we achieve, and all too

often we fall short in our own mind. We practice a

meanness to ourselves that goes far beyond the way we

would treat a friend. The following activity is similar to

that developed by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer for

their Mindful Self-compassion program.

We all have facets that we don't like about ourselves, or can recall times when we wish we'd done something differently. Bring to mind something about yourself that you're not happy about; it might be a personal trait, something about your appearance, or perhaps a time you could have behaved better, Notice the words and phrases that form your thoughts when you bring it to mind, and write them down here. When you hear these words addressed to yourself, how do they make you feel?

Then imagine your best friend had come to you with this same problem. You want to support them through a difficult time. What would you say to them? What words and phrases would you use? Imagine you were writing a letter to them now. When you have finished, set it aside for a few days before coming back to it and reading it as if it were addressed to you. How does it makes you feel? How is this different from the way you talked to yourself at the start of the practice? Which is more helpful?

Week 44 - Being With Thoughts

BEING WITH THOUGHTS 

Thoughts are the cause of much of our unhappiness, 

because we believe them and take them at face value. 

However, once we begin to see them simply as mental 

events that are influenced by our mood, we can begin to get 

a better perspective. One way to do this is by writing down 

the different types of thought pattern we notice as we pay 

attention to our experience (see page 138). 

Typical unhelpful thought patterns include:  

OVER-GENERALISING 

MIND-READING 

ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING 

FUTURE THINKING OR CRYSTAL-BALL GAZING 

FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVE 

BLAMING SELF 

BLAMING OTHERS 

JUDGEMENTAL—TOWARD SELF 

JUDGEMENTAL—TOWARD OTHERS 

This list isn't exhaustive, of course—can you identify any others? Just make a note of the type of thought you are experiencing, rather than focusing too much on the content. Do you notice links between moods and particular types of thought? You don't need to do anything with what you notice; just write it down.

Words and phrases to look out for include "What if ...," "I should ...," "I must ...,""I ought ...,""I always ....""This always happens to me ...," as these can act as cues that we are moving into unhelpful areas of thinking. Can you identify particular words and phrases that you commonly use with different types of thinking? As we begin to become aware of them, we can use these words and phrases as red flags to warn us that we are moving into unsafe waters. When we notice, we can take a Breathing Space (see page 88).

TRANSFERABLE SKILLS 

We can practice watching our thoughts in formal meditation practice (see pages 16, 26, 40, 70, 102, 128, and 156), and the skills we learn there are particularly helpful when we want to notice thoughts arising in our everyday life. 

Remember that it's important not to beat yourself up over whatever you notice. The idea here is simply to notice what tracks your thoughts regularly run: when you bring them into awareness, that witnessing is the first stage of stepping back from them. The intention is to watch them rather than become caught up in them. When we observe our thoughts, we notice how they are influenced by our moods, and because of that they cannot be taken as fact. We begin to see that it is possible to liberate ourselves from the tyranny of our thoughts.

Week 45 - No Man is an Island

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

The sixteenth-century poet John Donne's words are true for

all of us. We are all part of a wider group, and often unhappiness is caused when, for whatever reason, we feel

isolated from that group. Deliberately connecting with

others can help to reduce this sense of disconnection, and

we can do that by reaching out to strangers as well as

people we already know.

We can connect with others through very simple gestures, such as looking them directly in the eye, smiling, shaking hands positively, holding a door open, offering a seat, giving directions to someone who is lost, and in many other ways. When we connect with someone—particularly a stranger, whom we could easily ignore as we drift along on autopilot—we bring ourselves into the present. At that moment of exchange there is a connection: we have noticed them, and they have noticed us. When we do something positive for someone else we make ourselves feel good as well as them. They will feel that someone has noticed them, which means they matter, they are seen. In that moment they are not alone.

We can begin with people with whom we interact throughout our day: the barista handing us a drink, the bus driver taking our fare, the store assistant handing us our goods.

Experiment with this and reflect on what you notice.

Week 46 - Making the Practice Your Own

Week 46 Activity

MAKING THE PRACTICE YOUR OWN

There are lots of different ways to practice mindfulness:

formal practices that include sitting or movement

meditations, and informal practices in which we pay

attention to our everyday experience in a particular way.

Most people prefer certain practices over others, and we

might also be constrained by family or work commitments.

Sometimes we find certain practices helpful when we are in a particular frame of mind. For example, walking or another movement practice can help to settle a restless mind when sitting may be too challenging. When we are lying awake at night, unable to sleep, a simple Body Scan (see page 17) might be helpful.

(It will worth reviewing the list of practices which will be appended to the last exercise when I post it and marking those that have resonated particularly with you. You may also want to revisit the list of activities and perhaps repeat those that were particularly helpful).

It can also be worthwhile to pay attention to the practices we resist. Be curious about that resistance and perhaps experiment with the practices from time to time, noticing how your attitude may change. Once you have a sense of the practices and/or activities you find particularly helpful, make a note of them here with any observations from your experience that you think will be useful. Use this list to structure your day-to-day practice—both formally and informally—always keeping a light, flexible touch.

Week 47 - Moving with Awareness

MOVING WITH AWARENESS

Tuning into our physical experience is a great way to move 

ourselves out of the head, with all its future and past 

thinking, and bring us right into the present. It's also a 

good opportunity to integrate our mindfulness practice 

into every day, when we often move from one task to 

another: doing the household chores, going to pick the kids 

up from school, moving from one office to another, or even 

simply going to the kitchen or the bathroom. 

The invitation this week is to pay attention regularly to the body in movement, in whatever form that takes (see Mindful Movement, page 40).

Experiment with that beam of awareness, sometimes keeping your focus tightly on physical sensations, for example, in the soles of the feet, and at other times widening it to include the whole body and perhaps the environment (a breeze on the cheek, the sun on your face, the sound of the traffic or birds singing ...).

Moving with awareness may mean moving just one part of the body, particularly if your movement is limited for a physical reason. Our sense of touch can be acute: notice what you feel when you slowly rub your index finger against your thumb, for example.

Experiment with moving very slowly (perhaps somewhere private!); at other times, move at your normal pace. See how one or the other affects your attention.

Pay attention to what arises when you move in this way. Do you feel impatient or frustrated if you are moving slower than normal? Can you stay with sensations like this, noticing how a particular emotion manifests itself physically in the body and reminding yourself that, at this moment, you are simply moving without any particular goal?

Any physical exercise you might do—either on your own or as part of a class— represents an opportunity to introduce some mindfulness. Simply pay attention to your experience as it unfolds, without judging it—and let go of striving toward any particular goal.

Make a list of opportunities of introducing movement practice into your everyday life, and choose one to focus on one day. The next day add another, and so on.

Week 48 - What Does Being Centred Feel Like?

WHAT DOES BEING CENTERED FEEL LIKE?

Being centred suggests calm. Although we often associate calm people with an absence of strong emotion, there is also an element of balance; when we are calm we take things in our stride. When we are calm the seesaw of highs and lows is level, and if it ever begins to tip one way or another it returns easily to the point of balance. To maintain that balance may require constant small adjustments one way or another, so being balanced or calm is an active state that we have to participate in and perhaps deliberately move toward.

What does feeling centred mean for you? How do you feel when you are calm? You can explore this by paying attention to those moments when you do feel centred. What images come to mind? How do you feel physically? What emotions and thoughts do you notice, if any? Make a note of what you discover, and by doing so acknowledge and get to know this helpful state.

Think about whether there are particular activities that help to bring you into a place of calm. Those that have an element of focusing on the body can be helpful; physical activities, like sport, but also those that emphasize creation through art, craft, cooking, or gardening. Activities that have a nurturing element— perhaps planting seeds or growing herbs or flowers—draw us closer to nature's cycles and the lessons they can teach us.

Perhaps being with certain people helps to centre you. If so, who are they?

Noticing how we respond to different activities and people can help us to create an action list that we can turn to when necessary.

Week 49 - Email as Practice

Week 49 Activity 

EMAIL AS PRACTICE 

Email is now such an integral part of our lives that it's a 

great activity to use as "practice." Whether personal or 

work-related, an email is a message from another person, 

which lands in our personal space without warning. This 

may be a pleasant surprise if it's someone we want to hear 

from, but less welcome messages can tip us into a difficult place. 

And, of course, some emails are just routine and 

don't affect us either way. 

Using email as practice is an opportunity for us to pay close attention to those sensations of liking, not liking, and being neutral. Once we have brought that moment of interpretation into awareness, we are more likely to be able to choose how we respond and so affect what happens what next. This is helpful in terms of our relationship with the senders of the email, but also has a wider benefit in terms of our practice in general, as it is an opportunity to practice being with and responding to a range of emotions.

When you look at those unread emails in your Inbox, with different subjects and senders, notice how you are responding. Is it with a lift of the heart or a smile, or perhaps a clenching in the stomach and a tightening of the shoulders? Ask yourself what is happening in the body, and what you are noticing in terms of thoughts and emotions. Naming what is present can be helpful, as can keeping the attention on the breath and the feet on the floor if you notice a strong response.

Notice how you interpret particular emails. Staying in the present moment can help to ground us and remind us that our interpretation is influenced by our frame of mind, so if we are feeling stressed or down we are more likely to interpret something negatively (and vice versa, if we are feeling happy). If you notice a particularly negative train of thought with a harsh, judgmental tone, that's a red flag, reminding you to step back and ask yourself whether your response is appropriate.

Use body awareness as a cue so that you become aware of your posture. For example, you might be hammering out a reply. Notice, then pause. If you can, type a reply and keep it in draft form until you have a chance to re-read it in a more positive frame of mind.

It can be helpful to remind ourselves that people often write emails on the move, not necessarily taking care with words or phrases and often not reading things back before sending. Different nationalities also follow different email etiquette. Consequently, the content might be read very differently from the way the sender intended. This is also important to remember when you are sending or reading emails on your phone or tablet, or when you are writing to people of different nationalities.

Make a note of what you discover.

Here is the link to The Breathing Space, Page  88.

Week 50 - The Power of Silence

Week 50 Activity

THE POWER OF SILENCE

How often do you explore silence? How frequently do you 

turn off the radio and the television, take some time out on 

your own and be with yourself without any distraction? We 

are often nervous of silence, as there is nowhere to hide: 

when we practice a period of silence and forgo checking 

emails and social media, chatting to friends, and even 

reading a book or newspaper, we inevitably come up 

against ourselves. Going on retreat is a traditional way to 

experience an extended period of practice and silence, 

but if that isn't possible, you can create your own silent 

retreat at home. 

Choose a specific period of time; this will vary according to your circumstances. Perhaps experiment with a couple of hours initially, or half a day.

Plan your time so that you know what you are going to do next. A retreat is never just one long sitting practice, but instead is broken up into shorter periods of practice, including regular movement such as walking practice, yoga, or qi gong.

Collect guided practices from different teachers to bring some variety into the mix (CDs or downloads are a good place to start). As well as including the traditional sitting practices, you could try a Mountain meditation (see page 156) or a Self-compassion practice (see page 144) as well as lying-down practices such as a Body Scan (see page 17). Make sure always to include some movement between periods of sitting.

Also include some eating practice if you can. Prepare food that is particularly fresh and tasty (see page 56).

You may find journaling helpful, too, use it to reflect on the practices, and perhaps also explore some of the writing practices in this book (see pages 12, 74, 182, and 184).

An extended period of meditation helps to deepen our practice. As always, we are not looking for a particular experience or to create a certain state of mind. It is rather an opportunity to notice how the weather of moods can vary from hour to hour, and even minute by minute. It may be challenging at times, so it can be helpful to remind ourselves that we don't have to enjoy it. Simply let the time unfold and explore what arises.

Don't forget to turn off and unplug your cellphone, and whatever you do, refrain from posting meditation selfies!

Week 51 - Writing as Practise: Exploring Intention 3

Week 51 Activity

WRITING AS PRACTICE:

EXPLORING INTENTION 3

Throughout the past weeks we have from time to time

explored why we are doing this, and what brings us here.

Week 51 presents another opportunity to connect with

what you are learning and why you are doing it.

Writing as practice can be a good way of exploring what lies beneath our practice. It can be helpful to begin with a period of sitting practice, perhaps just Watching the Breath (see page 26).

When you are ready, set your phone timer or a kitchen timer for 3-5 minutes.

There are just three rules:

1 Don't stop. Any time you hesitate or don't know what to write, just repeat the words given below on the sheet. 

2 Don't edit your words or cross anything out. There is no need to worry about handwriting, spelling, or grammar— anything goes! This is for your eyes only. 

3 Don't read what you are writing until the timer has sounded. 

When you have finished, read what you have written. Don't judge it, but simply read it as practice. You may like to highlight particular words or phrases that stand out for you, or write a sentence or two in reflection.

Week 52 - The Way Forward: Setting Intentions

Week 52 Activity 

THE WAY FORWARD: SETTING INTENTIONS 

An important part of the past few months has been 

exploring and connecting with our intention. We all need to 

have a reason to practice that acts as our guiding star. We 

might not always have it at the forefront of our mind, but 

we know what direction it encourages us to follow. 

What practices have you found helpful (see Checklist below), and what would you like to continue with regularly?





What form would you like your formal practice to take in the future? Be as specific as you can about how frequently you intend to practice, the time and place, and what you intend to do.





To be reviewed on...............................................................................

(Choose a date between three and six weeks ahead when you can review and update your intention.)

CHECKLIST OF PRACTICES AND ACTIVITIES

Mark your preferred practices and activities—perhaps make a note of why or if there is a particular time when they are helpful. You can then revisit this list for ideas on mindful activities and practices to try.

PRACTICES

□ Tuning into the Body
□ Mindful Movement
□ Mindful Eating
□ Mindfulness of Breath and Body
□ The Breathing Space
□ Being With Sounds and Thoughts
□ Being With the Difficult
□ Self-compassion
□ The Mountain


ACTIVITIES

□ WEEK I: Writing as Practice: Exploring Intention I
□ WEEK 2: The Importance of Reflecting
□ WEEK 3: Cultivating the Attitudes
□ WEEK 4: Savouring Our Experience
□ WEEK 5: Breathing Through the Feet on the Floor
□ WEEK 6: Exploring the Beam of Awareness
□ WEEK 7: Exploring Felt Sensations
□ WEEK 8: Seven ... Eleven
□ WEEK 9: Sounds
□ WEEK 10: Listening Mindfully
□ WEEK 11: What Attitudes Are You Feeding?
□ WEEK 12: Appreciating the Good
□ WEEK 13: Experiencing the Unpleasant
□ WEEK 14: Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone
□ WEEK 15: Noticing the Narrative
□ WEEK 16: Creating a Space
□ WEEK 17: Writing as Practice: Exploring Intention 2
□ WEEK 18: The Power of Attention
□ WEEK 19: Being Present in Mind and Body
□ WEEK 20: Seeing With Fresh Eyes
□ WEEK 21: Ditch the Labels
□ WEEK 22: Identifying Your Stress Triggers
□ WEEK 23: The Power of Technology
□ WEEK 24: Conversation as Practice
□ WEEK 25: Exploring the Wanting Creature
□ WEEK 26: Halfway Review
□ WEEK 27: Exploring Resistance
□ WEEK 28: Blue Sky Is Always There
□ WEEK 29: What does Acceptance Mean For Me?
□ WEEK 30: Coping Space
□ WEEK 31: Working with Impulses
□ WEEK 32: Start From Where You Are
□ WEEK 33: Taking a Mindful Minute
□ WEEK 34: Exploring Alternate Viewpoints
□ WEEK 35: Noticing the Judging Mind
□ WEEK 36: Zoning Out
□ WEEK 37: What Nourishes Me: An Action Plan
□ WEEK 38: No One Else Has the Answer
□ WEEK 39: Naming What Is Present
□ WEEK 40: What Stops You Practicing?
□ WEEK 41: A Typical day
□ WEEK 42: Taking Care of Ourselves
□ WEEK 43: Practicing Kindness to Oneself
□ WEEK 44: Being With Thoughts
□ WEEK 45: No Man Is an Island
□ WEEK 46: Making the Practice Your Own
□ WEEK 47: Moving With Awareness
□ WEEK 48: What does Feeling Centred Feel Like?
□ WEEK 49: Email as Practice
□ WEEK 50: The Power of Silence
□ WEEK 51: Writing as Practice: Exploring Intention 3
□ WEEK 52: The Way Forward: Setting Intentions