Week 32 - Start From Where You Are

Many of us spend much of our time measuring our progress

against an invisible yardstick. If we don't think we have

lived up to this imaginary scale—and we rarely have—we

berate ourselves for "not being good enough."

All too often we throw in the towel and abandon the task, saying that if we can't do something "perfectly" there is no point in doing it at all. Perhaps we don't join our friends for a run because we are "not fit enough"—and so we miss out on an opportunity to socialize while getting fitter; maybe we give up meditating because we haven't been doing it diligently every day, and so we don't discover the freedom of simply starting from where we are.

This week, notice the occasions when you don't start an activity, or when you abandon something because you don't think you are doing it well enough. Treat the thought "not good enough" as a red flag, which causes you to pause and question that thought. Who is setting this standard? Perhaps the task requires experiential learning and skill to be acquired over time. There is no way that things will change unless you are willing to have a go and acknowledge that it can be okay to be a "work in progress." Can something be "good enough," meaning that you have done your best considering all the extenuating circumstances?

Notice the thoughts that arise and pay particular attention to any physical sensations or emotions arising alongside them. You could take a Breathing Space (see page 88), making sure not to miss out the first step of acknowledging what is happening for you. When you move into the second stage, while you are breathing perhaps say silently to yourself "It's okay, it's okay."

BEING WITH THE DIFFICULT

How can we experience something difficult in a different way?

For the "in-the-moment" times, when we may be at

work or in another challenging situation and feel

overwhelmed by what we are experiencing, informal

practices like Feet on the Floor (see page 30) or a

Coping Space (seepage 125) can be helpful.

At other times we may want to bring an ongoing difficulty (whether a situation or physical pain) to our practice in a more formal way. On these occasions, the following practice or the Self-compassion practice on page 144 may be helpful.

To do this practice, find a time and place where you feel safe and will not be disturbed. Take as long as you need to settle yourself on your breath and body so you feel grounded (see Mindfulness of Breath and Body, page 70).

LEARN THE FOUNDATIONAL SKILLS

This practice can be challenging, so it is important that you have already become familiar with the skills learned by regularly practicing Watching the Breath (see page 26) and Mindfulness of Breath and Body (see page 70). Also, to begin with, experiment with bringing small difficulties to mind—irritation with a colleague at work, for example—rather than a big life event.

1. Notice where in the body you are feeling the breath most strongly, and make a clear intention that this is the place to which you will bring your attention at any point in the practice when things feel tricky or you want to steady yourself.

2. When you are ready, deliberately invite whatever is preying on your mind to the forefront.

3. Notice what arises when you do so, acknowledging the accompanying thoughts even if you feel they are inappropriate in some way.

4. It's important to be curious about your experience as a whole, perhaps asking yourself silently "What is here?" Stay open to whatever comes up, if anything, without any expectation.

5. As you notice what arises you can name particular emotions, for example, by saying "fear is here." Repeatedly naming an emotion has been shown to dampen its activity in the brain.

6. Take a friendly interest in the felt sensations of the experience. What are you feeling physically in the body, and where? How would you describe it—sharp, stabbing, tingling ...—and what characteristics does it have—solid, soft? Is it constant, intermittent, unchanging, or moving?

7. You can use the breath to help by directing it into the specific location of the pain or strong sensation. Alternatively, focus your attention on the breath in the torso while holding the pain or sensation in awareness and breathing with it.

It's important to take baby steps with this practice. You may "be" with the experience for only a second or two before retreating to the breath to anchor yourself, before returning to the experience for another few seconds. It is wise to take this practice slowly, using the breath to steady yourself throughout, rather than jumping straight in and becoming overwhelmed.

It's very easy to fall into "fixing mode" with this practice, hoping the "difficulty" will go away or trying to make it do so. It's very important that we remind ourselves that this practice is about turning toward our pain or difficulty, rather than avoiding it. Avoidance activates our internal threat mechanisms and keeps us locked in a cycle of suffering, whereas an approach mode helps us to be with it.